You live in a
Drug-encrusted fantasy
About what you want to do
And who you want to be
Toking on pot
Hiding behind a shroud of smoke
That pushes you away from me
As you indulge in self-pity
Howling about abandonment
While you fail to be there for me
Postponing delaying
The ways you promised support repeatedly
Leaving me to navigate
These unfamiliar waters
On my own
As I put your needs before mine
And as you whine
About how you can’t depend on anyone
And as you steer toward reckless behavior
So that you can play out the past
Over and over again
Proving to yourself
To be unworthy of love
Because you are exactly
Who they claimed you to be

Meanwhile I see the power light beauty
Of your soul
And sand here ready waiting for you
To decide to take the plunge
And choose to use the tools resources
That will nurture and support who you are
Instead of numb out
The sharpness of your awareness
Which is the breathtaking attraction and vitality
Of your essence

I know that
I have intervened and helped redirect you enough
For you to land
In a safe and nourishing environment
In the forest
Without blowing it up
And self-destructing in the process
And I recognize that I am helpless
Standing on the sidelines
Of your journey
Which is now entangled with mine
And that it is
In your hands to decide upon
Your fate destiny
Which impacts me
And us
In a domino effect of outcomes and consequences

You say I am your drug of choice
But as I look once more
Into the dulled-out gaze of your eyes
I question
Am I

©2019 by Loolwa Khazzoom. All rights reserved. No portion of this article may be copied without author’s permission.

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