You rely entirely
on caller ID
Can’t be bothered
To leave a message for me
Telling me what’s on your mind
or asking what’s on mine

You don’t contact me for 10 days
Then send a text
That you hope I’m OK
When only the day before
I was in the hospital
For severe chest pain
And the week before
I was in excruciating agony
Grieving the loss of you

You don’t ask take action
Do shit to find out what’s going on
Or do anything about it

Maybe it’s your poor self esteem
But I don’t seem to be
High enough priority
For you to do what it takes
To be with me
Even at the basic level
Of communicating

So I’ve been the one
Stepping up compensating
Holding the emotional container
Of this relationship
Facilitating the processing
Which has put me
In the role of manager
Not girlfriend

I need to break this pattern
With you with men
Trust against all evidence to the contrary
That there is someone out there
Who will step up and meet me
Where I’m at
Having devoted his life to healing
And spiritual transformation
Because it’s who he is
not because it’s what I need

I see the vastness in you
But you don’t
And so I have to let you go
Figure things out on your own
And believe
That someday
I will no longer be alone
In seizing the opportunity
Of this glorious adventure

©2019 by Loolwa Khazzoom. All rights reserved. No portion of this article may be copied without author’s permission.

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