You cannot be rescued
Will not be rescued
Blame me
For the fire consuming you
Hold me in contempt
For having cultivated the ability
To get you out
of the burning building
Focus your energies
Not on allowing me
But on condemning me
Effectively pulling me into the fire
With you
Using what is left of your power
To try and destroy me
The way you tried to destroy me
As a child
Resentful that I was born
With Light in my eyes
Which you thought you didn’t have
Though I saw it in you

And all the work
From over the years
Is unraveled
And I am left with the starkness
Of bereshith
Tohu vavohu
Darkness and upheaval
Swirling around me
Threatening to suck me into
The void
The blackness of the unrelenting pit
From which I extracted myself
With the sheer focus and determination
Of my soul
So many years ago

This is a spiritual struggle
You are my mother
But also my enemy from another world
In my face
In my house
Riding the wave of my kindness
To use it against me
Picking me apart at the core
Thread by thread
Pitting me against myself
Once again
Forcing me to choose
Between your life and mine
So that what was an opportunity
For love and closeness
Becomes a breeding ground
For discord and trauma
Which you thrive on
Which is your playground
Until I say “enough”
And let you fall
Into the black void

©2019 by Loolwa Khazzoom. All rights reserved. No portion of this article may be copied without author’s permission.

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